JOY TO THE WORLD

One of my first questions I ask clients on the very first session is “where do you find joy?”. This has led to surprising responses, from bursting into tears, to 'I cannot remember the last time I felt joy’ and lots in between. I initially included this question to inject a general note of positivity and to create space for the client to offer some brightness into what can often be a ‘tell me what is wrong’ time.

I decided to reflect on the question myself and find out where I find joy. I have taken weeks and weeks contemplating it. Checking in with myself “is this a moment of joy”? What did I miss? Plus, the usual thoughts and ruminations that come with any form of hyper focusing. I am seriously driving myself mad.

However, I did finally arrive at a few conclusions. Firstly, joy was not what I had expected it to be and can creep up unexpectedly. The harder you are looking for it the more likely you are to miss it.

Secondly, joy often occurs beneath other events. There could be so much going on around you and for a moment you catch sight of a plant, a child, a pet, a partner, fleetingly there is a surge of joy which brings a lightness to your heart. Like an emotional oasis in a desert of drama.

Thirdly, I discovered that joy is different from happiness and not necessarily linked to happiness. What surprised me was that in moments of despair and sadness there can be a moment of joy. The warmth of someone reaching out and witnessing you. The act of reaching out to just be with someone.

Finally, I discovered that ‘joy’ is really a feeling that rests within me. Regardless of what may be going on externally, if I take a moment, pause and look inward, there is a space for the lightness of joy to be there.

It feels like we are living in an increasingly punitive society. Expectations set to exacting standards. People coming to therapy are often struggling against external values that they feel challenged to live up to. There has been a filtering out of things that are uncomfortable, we are presented with a range of filters to adjust things to how we want them to appear. I had this experience recently with a photo app that would take my photo and ‘AI it’. The temptation to not embrace the image was huge. But the reality is that it did not bring me any joy. In fact, I felt a deep inner relief and moment on joy when I deleted the photo and opted instead for the ‘well lit’ original. It was that space of ‘uncomfortable joy’ of accepting the reality of who I am. The discomfort of seeing myself airbrushed and morphed into a more appealing version of myself was amazing and shocking in equal amount. I knew if I accepted that as the image I was willing to present to the world as representing me that it would not bring me any joy. In fact, I would spend a lot of time embarrassed with a hint of shame feeling I needed to explain to everyone why I did not actually really look like my photo. There is no joy in that.

A photo is only a small thing. When it comes to our emotions and life experiences filtering can lead to a lot of suppressed and confused emotions trapped within our exiles. This can leave them unsure how to express in the world they find themselves in.

As the therapy world continues to grow and evolve there is, thankfully, a shift away from a punitive corrective methodology. We now have more options available for a paradigm shift away from a pathologizing approach towards a more compassionate and healing approach. The areas of Compassionate Enquiry and IFS offer therapy spaces where connecting to and understanding about oneself brings an opportunity for hope and healing. The hope is that the concept of correcting people to better fit our society is shifting towards one of supporting an individual better fit their own skin, comfortably and joyfully.

Joy has an ability to be more enduring and internal rather than dependent on external events The experience of joy can come in unusual ways. It can be through a feeling of connection to others, either in shared experiences, empathy or through relationships. Accomplishing a meaningful goal that you reach. Admiring beauty, in art, in nature, or music. Anything that resonates with you deeply. Laughter and fun, the spontaneity the brings lightness into your day. Deep gratitude and presence. A sense of appreciation for the present moment to reflect and acknowledge the things in your life that you cherish.

It can come from fresh sources, creating a picture using crayons and just not caring what anything looks like. Dancing while you clean, singing in the shower, walking in nature. Noticing a Jacaranda and taking a moment to let the colour fill your being. That moment of ‘self-love’ where you align with something within you can be your ‘joy’.

As you connect with, and begin to recognise this, it is like a seed, and from there the branches of inner peace, gratitude, and a sense of wellbeing to take root. Delight and appreciation for things being to pop up more regularly.

Joy is something that can uplift you in the darkest moments. It is a key emotion that contributes to well-being and resilience in life. Whatever way the external world may be treating you, hang onto the spark that brings you even the smallest bit of joy and know that it will light your way back home to both being at peace and being in peace with yourself.

Ask yourself the question “what brings me joy?” Do not be afraid to feel what you feel as you ask yourself this question. Do not be afraid to sit with it for as long as it takes and let the answers unfold for you over time. Nourish your Joy and watch it grow within you.

Wishing you all a 2025 filled with an abundance of Joy.

Sheila