A Follow Up Story...

There is nothing like looking into the eyes of your child and knowing they are here with you, for as long as you remain here, or for as long as you are blessed enough to have them. Despite the challenges of deciphering what they need, middle-of-the-night wakeups, and the occasional screaming (a particular type of torture all its own), there is something indescribable about gazing into those eyes and recognising a soul in a tiny body—one that you grew, created through love.

Yet, love alone didn’t bring my baby into being. My journey into motherhood was guided by more than biology; it was shaped profoundly by Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. Before even becoming a mother, I met a part of myself—the “mothering part.” This part appeared to me as a vision of myself, pregnant, embodying every quality I hoped to channel as a parent. She was nurturing, calm, open, and grounded—a soothing presence who approached all of my inner parts with compassion, even those hesitant about motherhood.

And, oh, were there hesitant parts! There was the therapist part, passionately devoted to work and terrified of losing its purpose. There was the ideas part, brimming with creative ambition, fearing wasted time or unrealised success. And of course, the anxious part—the one catastrophising about everything that could go wrong, from the birth process to the needles (those dreaded needles).

In one transformative session, I invited all of these parts to gather around an imagined fire, much like the Gryffindor common room. Together, they shared their fears, hopes and protective roles. It amazed me how bringing conflicting parts together in dialogue created harmony, allowing them to recognise their shared goal: to protect, nurture and essentially ensure that my life works out okay, even joyous.

Through several such sessions, I prepared to welcome in the beautiful soul who now lies before me. I recall one session vividly where I envisioned my baby, floating under the water’s surface, waiting. Another, deeply spiritual experience felt like floating in an energy field, inviting him into the space I had prepared in my heart. Call it “woo-woo,” but I was astonished to find other mothers at IFS training sharing similar experiences of calling in their children or meeting them before they were earthside.

Motherhood has brought both change and continuity. My parts have evolved, conceding in some ways and thriving in others. The ideas part still dreams big but now crafts plans for ways to support a growing child while building a business. The therapist part helps me apply skills I often share with others to myself when the baby blues hit or when I feel like I can’t cope, creating incremental achievements that turn even challenging days into victories. Together, my parts have shown me that life as a mother isn’t an “either-or” choice but rather a balance of “this-and”.

Most surprisingly, motherhood and the impact it has had on my inner system has transformed my outer relationships, including a tremendous appreciation for my own mother. I have even had it reflected to me by one friend that motherhood has softened me, something I attribute to my mothering part and her soothing qualities. Perhaps motherhood is also a process of becoming more Self-led as I learn to surrender every minute of every day.

And then there’s the community—the vast, welcoming community of mothers. You find yourself surrounded by encouragement, often from women you’ve never met. A knowing smile from a stranger in the grocery store, a word of advice from a seasoned mum, or a supportive comment like, ‘you are doing amazingly’ at the local coffee shop. It’s a reminder that motherhood isn’t a solitary journey but one carried by countless women who resonate, cheer for you and celebrate with you.

This journey is humbling, messy and deeply beautiful. It has taught me that transformation doesn’t mean losing yourself—it means expanding into something greater.

Jasmine