The Quiet Weight of Exiled Dreams There’s a particular kind of loss that doesn’t announce itself loudly. It doesn’t arrive with a clear ending or a moment you can point to and say, “that’s when it died.” Instead, it fades—slowly, quietly—into the background of our lives. These are our exiled hopes and dreams. In parts-based psychology (IFS), we often talk about “exiles” as the younger, more vulnerable aspects of ourselves that carry pain, longing, and unmet needs. But exiles don’t just hold...

I have recently discovered that I have exhausted some of my parts and they have, in no uncertain terms, let me know this. The past few years for me have been an intensive learning period. At times it has been great, there is no doubt about that. However, it’s now clear to me that I have not been paying attention to all my parts. Not long ago I was offered a place on another training course and before I could even get excited, look at my budget or think clearly about it, I found myself saying...

Within the practice of IFS we become aware of the concepts of ‘no bad parts’; all parts are welcome’; and ‘no parts are ever removed, they just may adjust their roles’. It’s that last statement that has held my attention of late. My wonderful fellow IFS partner in crime and study has recently had a new baby and I have observed as her mother-part emerged. For me I am currently watching my own mother as she prepares to leave this world and through all this, I myself can feel a confused part...